Truly Green Cars - Part 1: Utter Failure - Chevy Tahoe Hybrid

by Harvey Xiao

I’ll be first to admit that I don’t like hybrids. But they do serve a purpose. I get their appeal. 50mpg, tree-loving, world saving, self-less, responsible, so done with dating jerks and sluts image… I get it.

However. 

The Chevy Tahoe hybrid has no purpose. The first time I saw a picture of this hideous, comical looking beast, the coffee in my mouth flowed right out of my mouth and onto my roommate’s copy of CarandDriver - no joke.

Seriously, what a slap in the face to the rest of the green-going automotive world!? Just think about it - all these Japanese engineers working day & night to squeeze extra inches / gallon out of the Prius (Hai!)… Germans drinking beer day & night to have enough urine for their new diesels…

And here come the GM engineers from the good old US of A…. duck-taping plastic spoilers over plastic bumpers and sticking 2 AA batteries in the back of a school-bus sized SUV …. Yeah! Hybrid! WOOOOT. I’m gonna go get me a cheeseburger.

I’m embarrassed that this is (was?) our idea of green. Yes, what a compromise. Instead of questioning whether we need such a vehicle to drive our fat asses to work, let’s just put a battery in it and get 12 miles per gallon instead of 11. 

I’m just glad Ford didn’t take the same approach…

photo courtesy of wikipedia

Acura Integra

by John Shen

We’ve found this week that $2000 can buy you quite a few interesting things. Unlike our $10k cars week, which were mostly serious, $2k cars lets you have a lot of fun, and for that much money, you really don’t care, something that runs, something that’ll provide you some entertainment, and something that, most importantly, is easy to get rid of should things go south.

However, if you end up with an Integra, it’d be easier to get rid of than you ever imagined. In fact, you may just wake up one morning, and realize that it’s not there anymore, or that the wheels are gone, or that someone’s broken in and stolen your stereo.

Think of it as a donating to the poor, then. It’s the car that keeps on giving… and whose parts end up on ebay or sketchy chinatown chopshops.

P.S. It’s not a bad car, too bad you won’t get to drive it for long.

photo courtesy of Minh-Nhat Le. yes that’s his car… yup, lowered, HID lights, steel rims.. yup..

Ford Explorer

by Harvey Xiao

There was a time when the Ford Explorer out sold the Toyota Camry. Gas was $1/gallon. Global warming wasn’t yet invented. 

…

So before you crown us as fools for suggesting you buy this for $2k, let me explain our reasoning. If the government EVER brings back Cash for Clunkers, this is the IDEAL car to have. Under 18 mpg? CHECK! Worthless piece of rotting crap that you’d be lucky to get $500 for, let alone $4k? CHECK! 

And while you’re waiting, this isn’t a horrible thing to have around. It’s ideal for your Sunday morning Home Depot manure runs, for instance. It’s also not terribly complicated to maintain.

Hell, with proper tires, you can even teach it to flip on the freeway. The possibilities are endless.

photo courtesy of wikipedia 

P.S.

Remember the Explorer Sport? What the hell was the point of that?

Chevrolet / Geo Tracker (Suzuki Sidekick) 

by Sicheng Su

I rented one of these once in Hawaii. It was in terrible condition and wasn’t exactly worth the money compared to renting a nice (well, maybe not that nice) new Cobalt, but it was fun.

This is a very misleading car. Most of them have a GM badge but they’re really Suzukis. It’s technically an SUV but a 4x4 version is harder to find than a smile at the DMV. The wheelbase is adorably short, but its turning circle is horrendous. But you know what? All that doesn’t really matter, because at $2000, you just want something that’ll get you around without breaking down (much) or using too much gas. The Tracker may not be as economical as a Corolla, but it certainly sips less gas than many of the cars featured this week.

The best part, though, is that it’s great for cruising the city or the waterfront – it’s a convertible, it’s fun even at 25mph, and it’s just plain cool. If you’re going to get a cheap car, you’d might as well make it interesting.

photo copyright middle class motoring

1991-1995 Dodge Caravan / Plymouth Voyager

by Sicheng Su

Can driving a minivan actually be cool? I say no – at least, not if it’s new. But this one? Yes.

Driving a new minivan makes you feel like a chauffeur (which is probably not your actual job if you’re driving a minivan). It says, “I could easily afford to drive something so much more fun, but I have a family.” Translation: “I need this car more than I want it. Pity me.”

Driving one of these says, “I don’t have enough money to buy something fun anyway, so I’d might as well get this.” Translation: “I’m a baller with not much dough but a cool social life.”

Also, this is probably the only minivan in the world that can pull off 2-tone paint, custom stickers, a body kit and rims without looking ridiculous. Not that you’d necessarily want one like that – but it’s nice to know your 7-seater has more edge to its personality than a Prius or a Camry.

photo courtesy wikipedia

Man, Ford somehow didn’t manage to screw up! 

by John Shen

What we have here is a drivable car, not too great, not fancy in the least, but drivable and simple, which make it reliable. It’s a wagon, which means it’s practical, and it’s a ford, which means it’s cheap.

So, as far as I can tell, it’s one of the few domestics you can buy from the past 15 years that’s actually… passably decent of a car.

Good job Ford, you accidentally didnt make a bad car.. pat your self on the back for that.

However, at the end of the day, even though the Escort is.. surprising not a bad car, it’s still a late 90s Ford, which means it belongs with the lot of the worst cars ever made. It’s just kind of nice because it’s not THE worst car ever made.

A friend of mine lent me that car above for the most of last summer while he was traveling around the world, I’ll write about it more in detail sometime later.

Last note: fuzzy dice are almost a requirement on this car.

photo copyright middle class motoring

1993-1996 Toyota Corolla Wagon

by Harvey Xiao

Well, it’s better than the Escort. In every way. But it’s not really worth writing much about.

Nothing about this car is particularly interesting. However, the market for this car is VERY interesting, so let’s talk about it.

I considered buying one of these recently, and studied this market quite a bit. This is a very desirable car that people are NOT willing to really pay a premium for. It’s pretty hilarious, really.

See, if a ‘95 Corolla sedan comes on Craigslist for $3k, it may or may not sell. ‘95 wagon for $3k…gone on the first day-dented, scratched, and all. However, if that ‘95 wagon is listed for $4k, it’ll stay for sale for weeks.  Conclusion: people who buy these are very practical, not big on appearance, boring, patient, and cheap as all hell.

I didn’t buy one.

photo courtesy of wikipedia

by John Shen

One of the fun facts of Craigslist is that there’s always a Volvo in your price range, unfortunately, ones at this end of the price spectrum tend to be… what’s the phrase? Sub-prime? Well-loved? Shit?

So, the colloquialism is that life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what’s inside. Continuing this analogy, a $2000 Volvo could be described thusly: instead of a box of chocolate, you’ve actually been given a box of assorted animal droppings, but there may be a piece of chocolate in there? It is uncertain, you may have to sort through the box to find it.

Also, they’re a bit like a hearse.

So, a Volvo wagon this cheap is basically perfect for someone who decorates their house with stuff they find on craigslist. 

You can also possibly live out of a volvo station wagon. In this case, your entire house is from craigslist. Good job!

photo copyright middle class motoring

by John Shen

HA

yeah that’s pretty funny, best joke I’ve heard all week.

A friend of mine actually has one of these, a piece of the dashboard has already decided that it wants to secede from the rest of the car.

okay I’ve had my laugh, moving on.

photo courtesy of wikipedia

Last week, we highlighted cars we’d buy for $10k. 

But to be honest, that wasn’t really that much fun. Useful, perhaps… especially John’s flowchart on Friday… but not really….that much.. fun.

Here’s why: $10k is an amount any of us would go spend on a new or used car. In general, cars in the $10k range don’t provide more utility (happiness) to us than cheaper cars. $10k is also not enough to buy something really cool, like a nice S2000, or a new GTI (heh). We find ourselves asking, why not just save some money on the car, insurance, registration etc, and buy something a lot cheaper? Heck, a ‘95 Accord makes me as happy as an ‘03 Accord…

So this week, we’re taking the other extreme. Welcome to $2k cars week! $2k is what we can afford to spend, and not cry if the car happens to blow up in our face a few months down the road. Surprisingly (I’ve been looking a lot recently - more on this later), there are a LOT of cars in this price range that appear to not be in ‘about to blow up’ condition.

But of course, let’s start by talking about one that IS.

Enjoy :)

—-

Crap Car of the Week
What NOT to buy with your $2k - Mazda 626

by Harvey Xiao

Oh boy.

There is plenty of garbage out there for $2k. You’ll find Buick Park Avenues… lots of crap from Detroit, really…

There are obvious bad ideas, like a 1980’s land cruiser, or a 1990’s anything European besides an old Volvo.

So why, out of all rubbish, did we pick this car for today? Because you don’t expect it to be bad.

Think about that for a minute. When you buy an old Mercedes for $2k, you KNOW damn well what you’re getting yourself into. If you don’t, you’re either an idiot, or lying to yourself. But the Mazda is a Japanese car .. just like Honda! You can find a (relatively) young model with (relatively) low mileage, full documents and the works for $2k. You THINK nothing bad could possibly happen. You THINK you just got a great deal on an Accord -ish.

Well, you’re wrong.

For a history lesson on why 626’s are not the reliable Japanese car they seem to be, read the wikipedia page.

Our advice for your $2k shopping spree. If you see a 626, run … run away…..run away fast. 

This car sucks.

photo courtesy of wikipedia

by John Shen

I promise, this is entirely and completely unbiased, obviously.

If you’ve got about $10k and are looking for a car, just follow along these steps!

click for a full sized version

Jeep Wrangler - Appreciating Authenticity 

by Sicheng Su

I’ve found that, over time, I’ve come to increasingly appreciate authenticity. I’d much rather go to the Mexican taqueria down the street than Chipotle. Want good ramen? Find a ramen place filled with hungry Japanese people. This is probably why I dislike a majority of the SUVs out there – all their expensive and amazing offroad abilities are frequently just an excuse to have a station wagon with a really high driver’s seat and the unnecessary rigidity of a small tank.

That, as you can imagine, is a significant pet peeve given the abundance of SUVs on the freeways (and the lack thereof on anything unpaved). Enter the Jeep Wrangler – the refreshingly pure espresso in a world of diluted non-fat lattes; the Bobby McFerrin in a culture of lip-syncing dancers. This Jeep’s one and only purpose is to make off-roading fun, and it doesn’t attempt to achieve anything else beyond minimal comfort (power steering and A/C) and safety (seat belts and doors). So dedicated was GM to the authenticity of the Wrangler that for a long time you couldn’t even get it with a 4-speed automatic.

Own one of these, and you will constantly be reminded of its purpose for existing as you drive it to the office or to Safeway. But the magic of this car is that it reminds you in a way that makes you eager for the next (or first) time you take it to that muddy hill or OHV terrain park, not in a way that makes you hate yourself in the meantime. In fact, its loud engine, short gearing, convertible top and raw road manners actually make city driving a lot of fun. And because it doesn’t try to be anything else, you’ll find yourself excusing its other shortcomings (such as freeway driving comfort) rather than criticizing it.

I’ve included one example of a craigslist ad. But really, there are so many of these out there, of so many different ages and mileages, that anyone with $10,000 (or much less even!) can find one.

Craigslist Example

1997 JEEP WRANGLER

Clean title, 2.5 Liter 4 cylinder engine, 98k miles, 5 speed manual with 4 Wheel Drive, new tires on new rims, new Fog Lamps, brand new soft top, new hoses and valve cover gasket, comes with Alpine Stereo with iPod direct cable connection

Asking $6,000

Photo copyright middle class motoring



Ford Crown Victoria P71 Police Interceptor 

by Harvey Xiao

These things are great - for so many reasons.

First off, respect. No one will give you trouble on the road. In fact, buy one in the right color and you’ll find people miraculously slow to the speed limit as you pull onto the road, and merge out of your lane to let you pass. Nifty. 

Second, reliability. The police package comes with strengthened tranny, differential, suspension, etc. These things go several hundred miles without major incident.

Third, responsibility. Say you lose your job in these uncertain times. You need something to help pay bills. Simply post a car service ad up on craigslist, and show up in this! No one will question your validity.

Fourth, intimidation. A guy planning to pick up your teenage daughter for dinner? Take him for a spin in the Crown Vic … he’ll keep out of her…

Fifth, cheapness of operation. Sure, the 4.6L V8 may drink a bit more fuel, but you can service it where the local taxis get serviced… hello $5 oil changes! (oil & filter not included).

Six, conversation starter. “I drive a Crown Victoria P71 Police Interceptor.” Enough said.

I could go on all day. There are cool.

Craigslist Ad Example

2003 P71
32k miles
Street Appearance Package - looks like a civilian car
Former FBI undercover unit 

Asking price: $7950 - a bit lower than our $10k target … but you don’t need one nicer than this.

photo copyright middle class motoring

P.S.

Never heard of a P71 with sticky pedals…