by Harvey Xiao

I rented one of these yesterday to do a last minute 350-mile drive –so I’m writing about it while it’s still fresh on my mind.

All in all, I think it was worth paying the $9 to upgrade from a Kia Rio. Yeah, that’s right, a Toyota YARIS is an UPGRADE. Just let that sink in for a moment. Thanks, Hertz… thanks.

The car has some interesting qualities. Given how small it is, it has a healthy amount of space inside. It feels narrow, but adequate. Also, the mirrors are really cool. Their shape and their positioning somehow come together and give a rather sophisticated look. I’m also quite fond of the green lighting from the stereo.. very Lexus-esk… why can’t the Camry have this?

Apparently, the Yaris is a pretty successful platform. I never realized how many of these things (Yaris, XA, XB, Prius) were on the road until I paid attention yesterday. Gosh.. I felt like there was always one in sight throughout the trip.

Ok… I really can’t be nice about this car for much longer. I HATE it. I loathe it. What a royal first-class piece of crap.

The thing is, I can spend hours ranting on about how it’s pitifully underpowered, or how it has a crappy transmission, or how it has such unsupportive seats, or how its engine makes thrashing noises, or how the radio has the most annoyingly bass-y sound I’ve ever heard, but I won’t (Although I will say 2 things: 1. I have never heard a stereo system that goes BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM when you’re listening to Classical music….all while the driver’s side support handle is rattling loudly…ugh. 2. When it decides to downshift into 3^rd on the freeway, I can’t tell the difference between the engine noise and the stereo. Go figure).

These things are annoying –very annoying, but they don’t make me HATE the Yaris. What makes me hate this car is the feeling of complete embarrassment and demoralization it invokes within me. I do NOT want to be seen with this car. If there was ever a car that made you use the back lot, this is it. In fact, I’d rather take 2 buses, 3 trains, and then walk 2 miles to work than drive within the peripheral vision of my colleagues.  The thought of owning one of these makes me cringe.

Finally, I’d like to say a line or two about another Yaris attribute. Given its size and weight (or lack thereof), this thought comes to mind: “I need to drive defensively, or I’m going to die.” Unfortunately,  the Yaris possesses neither the means nor the ambition to avoid .. situations .. gracefully.

But that’s ok. Save the car, I’d rather shoot myself.

photo courtesy of wikipedia